You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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