I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
