I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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