Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
