Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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