shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
