you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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