I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
