I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
