It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
