I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
