i just had sex bonerless
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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