i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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