A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
