Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
