I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
