Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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