he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
