haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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