my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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