i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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