Got a toothbrush?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
