I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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