take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my liver is dry heaving
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
