So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I met the friendliest cop last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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