GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
