I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
