i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
