I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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