So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
