we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
