Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
