Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
