Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
