There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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