Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
