oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
