this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
