That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
