i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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