ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
