My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
