I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
