She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
