There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
