I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
