I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
