I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
