I accidentally had phone sex last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
