At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
