this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
