Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
