my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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