you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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