kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
