3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
